Today we peer assessed our first edits, which was really helpful, as I gathered a range of strengths and targets in order to improve before my final edit is submitted.
The feedback was divided into five different catergories: cinematography, mise-en-scene, editing, sound and additional comments. These were each given a mark out of 4. 1 being minimal, 2 = basic, 3 = proficient and 4 = excellent. We also had the chance to add three seperate catergories that could be as specific as possible, so mine asked about the following:
Do I need music? I specified that this would only be subtle background music (perhaps strings), just to add more elements of a documentary in there
Is it too boring? A conversation with my teacher made me realise that people could actually find it rather boring, seeing as there isn’t that much action involving the chavs.
Do the script and visuals go together? I was worried that people wouldn’t exactly ‘get’ that I was trying to parody Planet Earth. My concern was that people just wouldn’t understand the kind of message I was trying to convey in this short film, it is supposed to be playfully poking fun at existing texts, not completely mocking them. I really do not wish to offend anyone.
Now to get on to the actual feedback.
Cinematography: (e.g. framing and variety of shot types for specific effects)
I was worried about cinematography because I do not exactly have a variety of shots and this genre wouldn’t exactly sh0w off any filming/camera skills, it purely relies on the content. It wouldn’t be conventional to constantly have different angles in a documentary.
Strengths: “Love the documentary style, especially the beginning time lapse scenes, which are similar to most documentaries”
Suggested changes/improvements/developments: “More match on action?”
I was worried people were going to say this, because I don’t want to try and squeeze in all of the continuity rules for marks when it wouldn’t really be conventional for a documentary to focus on the camera work entirely, rather than the content of the film.
Mark for cinematography: 4
Mise-en-scene: (e.g. how suitable are the choices made, considering genre, audience and narrative?)
Strengths: “The stereotypical chavs match to what the narrator is saying”, “iChav is very funny!”
Suggested changes/improvements/developments: “Make the goth look more.. gothier?”, “Is there any way the iChav text can look more professional?”
If I were to transform the goth’s look now it would mean re-filming the majority of my short film again… plus I would also need the chavs to re-film the conflict scene. I’m not sure of the capabilities of this as it would look extremely noticeable that I have re-filmed, especially as it happened to be raining at the time I filmed the first time. As for the iChav text, I quite like that it looks abit amateur-ish, I think it adds to the comedic element of the chav’s image, hoever I suppose I could try and have an experiment on FinalCut or LiveType to attempt to make the text look more professional.
Mark for mise-en-scene: 4
Editing: (e.g. is meaning clear to the audience? Have transitions, captions etc been used appropriately and effectively?)
Strengths: “The editing is good, no lack of continuity”, “The text used is very funny, ‘chavius TK-maxximus’ is gold!”
Suggested changes/improvements/developments: “Speed up or cut the part where the chav is clenching his fist”, “Add some text/definitions for the goth”, “Add a different transition for the title”
I’m not too sure why this person wants me to cut the clenching of the chav’s fist, I’ll have to double check it to see if it is too long. I definitely think adding additional text over the goth scenes is a good idea also.
Mark for editing: 3
Sound: (e.g. music/dialogue/ambient sound/voiceovers – are these recorded and edited appropriately?)
Strengths: “The voiceover is really good, the content is very well written and the voice very much suits the role v. David Attenborough”
Suggested changes/improvements/developments: “Just double check all of the dialogue, sometimes it misses out the beginning of words”, “Theres a part where the dialogue comes from the actors, (OIOI!) could you perhaps get them to re-record it in a quiet room?”
I understand that I need to go over the dialogue to make sure it is as good as it can be. I didn’t think about possibly re-recording the “oioi” mating call, which was silly as it potentially could sound 10x better, as it would get rid of all of the diegetic sound from the town.
Mark for sound: 3.5
Do I need music? “I think you need some quiet music at the beginning, a sort of theme song during the title”
Is it too boring? Please be honest. “No way!”
Do the script and visuals go together? “Definitely suit eachother! If possible, be as descriptive on the goth as you were on the chavs?”